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| source// Impactwrestling.com |
I was, as I’m sure many of you reading this were, once a big fan of TNA wrestling. I was first introduced to TNA during the ‘Asylum’ years, when TNA taped weekly pay-per-views at the Nashville fairgrounds. Although some of it was pure trash, I was drawn to the cutting-edge X Division action and a few familiar faces from the past, such as Jeff Jarrett and Ken Shamrock.
I then watched as TNA organically grew, moving on to getting a TV deal and taping at Universal Studios. In 2005/06, I genuinely believed that TNA had the potential to become very successful and actually (at one point) felt as though TNA had a far more exciting roster of talent.
Guys like Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Abyss, LAX, Monty Brown and then Christian, Rhyno and Kurt Angle and co. really made you want to watch the product from week to week. Sadly, however, I begin to lose interest and faith in TNA as the years went on, to the point where I stopped watching the product altogether.
A lot of that had to do with the fact that they made some truly bizarre signings. Indeed, TNA became well-known for promoting guys and gals that had no business being near a wrestling ring, let alone wrestling on television and PPV. And while no promotion has a perfect track record when it comes to talent, TNA seemed to hire a lot of green, clueless, washed-up or otherwise useless performers.
These are, in my opinion, 20 of the absolute worst.
20. Puppet The Midget Killer
We kick things off with one of the worst wrestling names ever – ‘Puppet the Midget Killer’, who was himself an actual ‘midget’ (not exactly PC, but we’re talking early 2000s TNA here so just go with it).
Determined to establish themselves as low-rent Southern rasslin’ right from the off, TNA of course featured a heavily-promoted midget division, which also included such luminaries as the obese Meatball and the hardcore Teo. They were awful, but not quite as awful as Puppet.
What was so bad about Puppet? Well, pretty much everything, but his masturbating into a trashcan pre-match and asking interviewer Goldylocks if she wanted some of his ‘porridge’ is probably up there with the worst. Other Puppet highlights include him pulling a gun on Jeff Jarrett (kayfabe) and ‘wrestling’ comedian/actor Tom Arnold.
Mascarita Sagrada he ain’t.
19. Jonny Fairplay
Jonny Fairplay was one of the first of many failed attempts to garner publicity with ‘celebrity’ appearances. Fairplay was a contestant on reality TV series Survivor, dubbed ‘the most hated man in America’ because he – get this – lied about his grandmother’s death during a challenge in order to garner sympathy.
Christ almighty.
With a moral compass as strong as that, he was the perfect fit for the world of wrestling. Only, he wasn’t, because he was absolute red reels and nobody really cared about him. Fairplay was a lifelong wrestling fan and at least a little enthusiastic, but does that justify TNA’s decision to pay $350,000 (plus health insurance) for his services?
He showed up intermittently, seemingly never being used for any other reason other than to, hey, look it’s Jonny Fairplay! That guy who was on Survivor that one time. Remember?
Regarding his illustrious time in Dixieland, Fairplay had this to say:
I signed a $150,000 contract with TNA Wrestling for a year. I ended up making 8 appearances for 40 minutes. Then I signed a second contract and they didn’t use me. So, I’d like to thank them for $300,000 for 40 minutes’ worth of work.
Fair play, Jonny. Fair play.
18. Orlando Jordan
Orlando Jordan was not good in WWE. Lack of charisma, awful timing and a lack of gimmick: OJ (didn’t) have it all. On his best day the most he could hope for was to be mediocre or, at a stretch, passable. The fact that Jordan couldn’t have a decent match with Chris Benoit, who could probably have carried a broom to three stars, is telling.
Still, he was a former WWE ‘star’ and had youth and a good physique on his side so TNA (or more accurately Hulk Hogan) decided to hire and push him in January 2010. The results were not pretty. Jordan debuted a bisexual gimmick which was more wrestlecrap than envelop-pushing or, heaven forbid, progressive.
Orlando didn’t stay long in TNA. Not long enough to have anything approaching a good match, anyway. He was released by the company in July 2011. Since then, Jordan has apparently opened up a couple of wrestling schools in Sydney, Australia where he currently resides. So he can teach the next generation of Aussie grapplers how to be just as mediocre as he was.
17. Randy Savage
Let’s take nothing away from the legendary Macho Man Randy Savage: he was one of the greatest workers of all-time and had countless epic feuds and matches throughout his illustrious career. A bonafide legend of the highest calibre, some fans refused to recognise WWE’s Hall of Fame until Savage was put in it last year.
When Savage turned up in TNA in 2004, however, it was clear that his best years were very far behind him. Savage was a great worker as late as 1997/8, when he had a series of excellent bouts with the likes of DDP and Bret Hart. After that it was clear the years of injuries and wear-and-tear had broken him down beyond repair.
Savage’s TNA run was a disaster. He not only refused to do anything other than throw a few punches during the end of his scheduled six-man tag mach at the Turning Point PPV but he also demanded to win the Heavyweight Title in his second match. Oh, and he also nearly had a backstage fight with Hulk Hogan, who was visiting with friends.
Wearing all-black, body-concealing attire and sporting a huge beard, Savage was virtually unrecognisable from his WWE or even later WCW days. Watching him lumber around the ring and reading about his backstage behaviour at the time was just sad.
16. Junior Fatu
Rikishi was undoubtedly a huge star (literally) in the early 2000s but, by 2007, he was totally washed-up and had very little to contribute to mainstream American wrestling, besides his giant thong-clad backside. Anyone who had watched him on the indies or for the barmy Hustle promotion in Japan since his release from WWE in 2004 could attest to that.
The Hall of Famer had ballooned in size by the time he waddled into the Impact Zone in September. He made his WWE self look positively slim in comparison. Rikishi’s TNA run was not a particularly long one – he essentially came out for a cheap nostalgia pop and delivered a stinkface or two. He was gone in just over a month.
The source of his release? He and TNA could not agree on a pay raise. Yes, even though he moved with all the speed of a glacier (and completely fluffed several interviews including one time calling Bobby Roode ‘Rick Rude’), the ‘Kish felt as though he was worth more than TNA were paying him – which was probably a lot more than their homegrown stars were getting.
TNA shouldn’t have been surprised: they had wanted the big Samoan to start with the company in August but his wage demands were way too high.
15. Rellik
It’s ‘Killer’ backwards, get it?
This weird demon-masked gimmick was played by former WCW and WWE man Johnny Stamboli. ‘The Bull’ was thought to have been a wrestler of some potential in the early 2000s but a series of injuries halted his development and he never really became the superstar that many predicted.
He still had the ‘WWE aura’, though, which made him of some interest to TNA. He made his debut for the company at Genesis in November 2007 and mostly wrestled in awful garbage matches with the likes of Black Reign (Goldust), Raven and Abyss.
Realising how useless he was, TNA started jobbing the not-so-fearsome Rellik out soon after. This was his role for his last few months in the company. After being used as an enhancement talent in dark matches, he must have seen the writing on the wall and left TNA in May 2008.
14. Black Reign
Over the last few years, Dustin ‘Goldust’ Runnels has done a damn good job of turning his career around by getting into the best shape of his life and giving some of his best ever performances between the ropes (before he ran into R-Truth, anyway). It really has been remarkable to see Dustin, who is in his mid-40s, go out there and keep up with guys half his age.
Of course, just a few short years ago in TNA, Runnels was an overweight, uncoordinated mess, stinking out the joint as Goldust rip-off ‘Black Reign’. He wore a black and silver suit, black wig and carried around a pet rat. Oh, the rat was re-named Terri by Kaz, in a reference to Goldust’s ex-wife and former WWE diva Terri Runnels.
Nobody cared.
The gimmick sucked, his performances sucked and the feuds with the likes of Rellik (Hey, that’s ‘Killer’ spelled backwards!’) sucked too. Runnels/Reign really outstayed their welcome, eventually leaving the company in April 2008. About six months later, Goldust found himself back in WWE.
I cannot for one second believe Vince and co. hired him again based on his half-baked performances in TNA.
13. Mahabali Shera
Look, I tapped out on watching TNA a looooooong time ago, but somebody alerted me to this guy and oh my, is he something.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to tap into the Indian market by pushing a big, green guy on your television show (*cough* Great Khali *cough*) but…no, wait, what am I talking about? There is something wrong with that. When the guy you’re promoting can barely do anything right, whether it’s swinging a chair or trying to run the ropes properly, then there is definitely something wrong.
Shera, who wrestled as Khoya, was clearly only signed due to his size and the fact that the company has something of a presence in India due to the Ring ka King thing from a few years ago. Incredibly, Shera has been wrestling since 2011, which means he has been a pro for five whole years.
Five years and not a thing learned.
12. Erik Watts
One of the great beneficiaries of nepotism, the son of Cowboy Bill Watts has made more money and received more opportunities in the wrestling business than anyone of his ability level should have. He was hired by WCW in 1992 because his Dad was booking, despite only having three months of experience in the business at the time.
After leaving WCW (once his Dad wasn’t around to protect him he wasn’t long for the chopping block), Watts had spells in the WWF (Tekno Team 2000), WCW again and in ECW and Japan. They were never very fruitful. He joined TNA in 2002 and managed to stay there for almost three whole years, if you can believe that.
He formed a stable with David Flair and Brian Lawler, known as the Next Generation, based off having fathers who completely overshadowed them. It was rubbish. Other ‘highlights’ of his TNA run included feuding with his on-screen girlfriend Goldylocks and an utterly crap feud with a clearly bored Raven.
He left TNA in February 2005. Nobody missed him. Nobody cared.
11. Rob Terry
Although he’s improved in the last couple of years, Rob Terry was God-awful for the first few years of his TNA career. It’s not easy to see why TNA were interested in him, though: the British Invasion member has one of the most impressive physiques in wrestling history.
It also helped that he’d been attached to WWE at one point.
Terry trained in WWE developmental league FCW between 2007-8. According to Chris Jericho’s most recent autobiography, the former WWE Champion wanted Terry to be partnered with him during his 2008 run, but Terry was released and the role went to Lance Cade. Oh, what could have been…
The bodybuilder spent a lot of his first few years in TNA posing and trying not to trip over his own feet. TNA sent Terry to OVW for a spell in 2012 and then to Wrestle-1 in Japan in an attempt to improve his ring work. He left TNA in January 2015 and now wrestles indies and works as a personal trainer.
10. Lacey Von Erich
Lacey Von Erich was not brought in to the company to be a wrestler. She was brought in to be eye candy. Whenever she was instructed to get physically involved in matches, the results usually weren’t pretty (ironic, considering she was affiliated with ‘The Beautiful People’).
She couldn’t perform moves, she couldn’t take moves, her timing was bad. TNA gave her the Claw hold (which the Von Erich’s made famous), a move considered botch-proof. She managed to screw it up. Lacey was the antithesis of a Gail Kim or an Awesome Kong, two ladies who set the Knockout’s division on fire in the mid-to-late 2000s.
WWE had at one point wanted to sign the late Kerry Von Erich’s daughter. They’re probably glad they didn’t win the race to her signature after watching her stumble her way through her rotten TNA run.
9. Ric Flair
Remember that incredibly emotional Ric Flair versus Shawn Michaels retirement match from WrestleMania XXIV? How about the retirement ceremony on the post-WrestleMania Raw the night after? Damn, brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. I’m so glad Ric Flair chose to honour the stipulation and never wres…oh.
Oh, that’s right. I forgot about his woeful TNA run for a moment (what a blissful moment that was).
The Nature Boy is one of the greatest of all-time, yes, and there’s an argument to be made that he should be able to wrestle until he’s 137-years-old if he wants to, such is his status within the industry.
However, I do not want to see this Hall of Famer wrestling midcard guys in an arena that seats, at best, a few hundred people, nor do I want to see him being brought to ringside in a wheelchair by Hulk Hogan. Nor do I want to see him stripped from his clothes and bleeding profusely from his forehead. These things all happened in TNA.
Ric Flair pissed all over his WWE retirement simply because he wanted to wrestle again. For the hopeless TNA, no less. He relied on falling down, chops and getting his arse out and it was clear that the ageing Flair had next-to-nothing left in the tank. It was not good.
‘Naitch, we love ya, but your TNA run was the pits, mate.
8. Jim Neidhart
Jim Niedhart only made one (yes, a single) appearance for TNA, answering the open challenge of Jay Lethal, who was in the midst of an angle where he called out former legends. Neidhart, who has had well-documented personal problems over the last several years, sported a massive guy and looked completely out-of-shape.
It wouldn’t have been so bad, had Lethal put away The Anvil quickly, but Neidhart actually came out of the contest victorious (classic TNA booking). Then he never appeared again, presumably because after watching his performance here they realised how far gone he was.
Hilariously, the fans in the Impact Zone chanted ‘You still got it!’ at Neidhart. Were they genuinely impressed or just being ironic? You’d have to hope it was the latter, but you never know with that lot…
7. Mr. Pec-Tacular
Hahahahaha, really good name, mate. Cute.
Shame about the complete lack of ability or talent, though. It’s easy to see why TNA signed Jessie Godderz to a contract, as a jacked-up former reality star (Big Brother). TNA really hyped him up and employed Taz to put him over big on commentary before his reveal but, sadly, when he came through the curtain the fans simply chanted ‘who are you?’ at him.
After appearing on camera a couple of times and being pretty bloody bad, TNA wisely sent him to the Team 3D training academy and then Ohio Valley Wrestling for further training. It didn’t really help, as he was still green as grass and couldn’t have a decent match to save his life.
Thankfully, he was put in the BroMans tag team with Robbie E, which limited his in-ring involvement. To be fair to Godderz, he has improved over the years, but he was pretty damn poor for those first few years with the company.
6. Garett Bischoff
You’ve gotta love nepotism, huh?
When Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan hopped on board in 2009, there was a weird mix of optimism and scepticism. Some were hopeful that their name value and status would help TNA reach hitherto unseen levels of exposure. And maybe the product would improve with two ‘genius’ wrestling minds at the helm, too.
After all, Hogan and Bischoff were key players in WCW’s success in the mid-to-late 90s. Others, however, remembered that Hogan and Bischoff were partly responsible for WCW’s decline and ultimate downfall, too, and that Hogan had a habit of hiring all of his mates to come and work for him (sure enough, Brian Knobbs, Sean Waltman, Scott Hall, Brutus Beefcake and a host of others showed up in TNA).
Few would have expected Eric Bischoff to push his wannabe wrestler son Garett as a main eventer, mind, but that’s exactly what happened. It was laughable, with Hogan proclaiming him to be the future of the business, despite the fact he couldn’t work a lick, had no presence and even less charisma.
He flopped big time as a babyface and a heel turn and run in Aces and Eights couldn’t save him. When Daddy left, the writing was on the wall for Garett.
5. Pacman Jones
Yes, that Pacman Jones! TNA signed the disgraced NFL player in the summer of 2007, while Jones was suspended from American Football activity for one year due to numerous unsavoury off-the-field incidents.
The Tennessee Titans, with whom Jones was under contract to, forbid Pacman from being physically involved in any wrestling matches. So, naturally, TNA put their Tag Team Titles on him. Yes, TNA placed one of their (not so) illustrious straps around the waist of a disgraced non-wrestler whose contract specifically said that he could not wrestle. At all.
His partner Ron Killings did all the work as the team beat the dynamic duo of Kurt Angle and Sting.
So, this was all just a publicity stunt and Jones and Killings dropped the titles at the next set of tapings, right? Wrong! Jones and Killings continued to defend the titles, with Jones doing little more than standing on the ring apron and looking like he couldn’t believe he was making so much money for doing so little.
Years later, in 2013, Jones made a one-night return where he and fellow pro football player DeQuin Evans slammed Bad Influence because hey, WHY NOT? Jones was the worst and TNA are the worst for glorifying such a blatantly awful human being and paying him a truckload of money to do absolutely jack s**t.
4. Big Fat Oily Guy
Proving that they’re willing to rip off ant WWE concept, no matter how stupid, TNA introduced ‘Big Fat Oily Guy’, their version of WWE’s Big Dick Johnson.
Big Fat Oily Guy (seriously cannot believe that was the best they could come up with) got involved in the contemptible feud between Kip James (Billy Gunn) and Christy Hemme, resulting in him taking on Hemme in an evening gown match at Final Resolution 2007.
Oily Guy lost, and was stripped down to a terrifyingly skimpy g-string. It was not a pretty sight. After that, he pretty much (mercifully) disappeared back to his timekeeping role.
But the memory still haunts…
3. The Johnsons
Before they were boring WWE audiences senseless as the completely colourless Gymini, the Shane Twins were turning heads in TNA – for all the wrong reasons. As ‘The Johnsons’, they were called Dick and Rod and forced to wear skin-coloured bodysuits.
They were booked, literally, as giant penises. Astonishingly, The Johnsons captured the TNA Tag Team Titles. Less astonishingly, the duo left the company after only a few weeks when they realised their careers were going nowhere and that, had they stayed with TNA, they might never get an illustrious run being managed by Simon Dean.
The Johnsons were not the worst wrestlers in the world but their gimmick was so awful that they need to be included here, at number three.
2. Jenna Morasca
Dixie Carter clearly has a thing for former Survivor winners, which is surely the only reason why the talentless Jenna Morasca was signed in 2009, a whole SIX YEARS after she won the competition. Yes, over half a decade had passed and Morasca’s fifteen minutes were well and truly up when the most hilarious wrestling company ever offered her a deal.
And what a deal it was, too; TNA reportedly paid Morasca half a million dollars for doing, well, pretty much nothing besides standing around and being Jenna Morasca (whoever that is). No, wait, that’s not fair. Morasca did wrestle a grand total of one match versus Booker T’s wife Sharmell during her TNA spell, at Victory Road 2009, a match which has been named by some as one of the worst of all-time.
The Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer gave the eight-minute fiasco a rare minus five stars rating. It was, in essence, two non-wrestlers botching moves left, right and centre and generally entering some truly horrendous ring performances, which the Impact Zone crowd duly turned on and booed out of the building.
Half a million dollars, folks.
1. Cheex
Ladies and gentleman, I present you with… Cheex.
Although he only had one match in TNA, he has to rank as the worst wrestler in the company’s history. TNA presented a lot of crap during the early Nashville years, but this is the absolute nadir, a cheap attempt to create their own version of WWE’s Rikishi.
Cheex was a man who was billed at 400lbs but must have been closer to 500. His physique was the worst you will see this side of Big Daddy V. The former Viscera was actually ten times the worker that Cheex was, which should tell you just how bad he was. His offense consisted of walking around, gasping desperately for air and ramming his massive ass into his opponent’s head (poor guy).
Oh, and he broke the ring during a pre-show match on TNA’s first ever event! Luckily, officials were able to repair the ring before the PPV began but Cheex almost caused the whole thing to be delayed or possibly even cancelled.
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